Belong

Dancing in community at Rooted Healing’s ‘Ancestral’ Retreat, Cae Mabon, Wales. It was here that I wrote this poem.
Photo by the lovely Zsuzsa Zicho

What is it to belong?
Like a bird to a song
Like a bee to a flower
Like a clock to an hour

How does it feel
To share a meal
With people whose faces
You could easily trace and
Whose stories you know
Like the back of your hand
But you lean in close
“Tell it again, Gran”

How does one be
In circles so deep
Resisting the urge
To turn and flee
With people who know you
But do they at all?
They might be your family
But it could be all fraud

Maybe belonging
Doesn’t have to be blood
Maybe we can choose
Those who we love
Who hold us and know us
Who teach us and grow us
Who make us feel whole
Deep in our soul

But though I like water
It’s something thicker,
I long for

I want to see my face
Etched in another
I want to know the people
Who shaped my mother
I want to feel held
No matter where I go
Knowing there’s a village
Who supports me back home

I want my ancestors
To be more than a word
Right now they’re a concept
That feels quite absurd
I want to spend my day
Knitting and sewing
Learning from those
Who share my DNA

I want to be a part of something
Bigger than me
Family brings depth
It’s an anchor at sea
Right now life feels shallow
And I feel quite alone
Like I’m missing a love
I should feel deep in my bones

I want to get a string
Tie knots and rings
Around me and the people
Who came before
To create a connection
A tangible nexus
Living proof of our bond
That can’t be ignored

Instead I’ll lay by this river
Or on a grassy knoll
And hope that one day
This desire to feel whole
Will be a distant memory
Because I’ve found a place
Where I feel home
Where I belong